Becoming Human Again

I’m supposed to worry less about upsetting you now..

Like something has changed after seven years.

It doesn’t feel like that long ago. When I was less than human to you.

The dirt under your fingernails, the foul taste in your mouth.

You called child support blood money.

My maternity leave after a cesarean laziness.

I wasn’t human. I wasn’t allowed to grieve my marriage.

I was trash that you discarded and held so much hatred for and I didn’t leave.

You hated me because I still loved you. After every cruel word..after the infidelity I clung to the remnants .

Turning the page I’m supposed to trust you now.

Or so you say.

I honor your image and your name for little hearts but my trust in you faded many years ago.

Our friendship floats on the surface sugarcoated in half smiles and practiced hellos.

I’m recovering I’m growing into a person again after the years you broke me.

I’m raising two young women to never fall victim to domestic abuse. That will grow strong and understand how to walk away.

Even when it’s over that’s the hardest part walking away. Recovering. Becoming human again.

I believe I can be that again.

Human.

TH Fragments36

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